Sunday, April 3, 2011

This one is very important to me...

Alright I first want to thank everyone who commented and read my poems. I greatly appreciate it, it truly means a lot to me. :) Now this is a very important post for me because I am currently working on a short story for one of my best friends he knows who he is :) So yea I would like some feedback on the beginning of the story... there isn't much either. So don't expect it to be like pro status, because trust me it isn't. I just want to know what you guys think. :) K here it is......

Once upon a time… on a secluded island there was a grand kingdom that was tormented by an evil dragon. This dragon had destroyed countless towns within the kingdom and killed thousands of people. The people of the kingdom were tired of living in fear of this dragon. The king and queen of the kingdom had searched high and low looking for anyone who would try and kill the dragon and end their anguish but no person ever made themselves known. Until one day a young man arrived at the castle this young man would soon be responsible for the fate of the kingdom.
Daniel grew up in one of the most rural towns on the island, the town was mostly know for their farm lands. He was one of many field workers in the town and his entire family before him had done the same work. He believed this to be the source of what he calls his “slave strength” which is one of many gifts that makes Daniel superior in comparison to the other citizens of the kingdom. Another unique quality that Daniel possessed was that his body had regenerative powers, meaning that he healed more quickly than the average individual. Daniel when he was growing up had not always been the model child and he stole from the richest man on the island when he was only eight years old. He stole the rarest sword on the island. This sword was amazing because it was indestructible and made of the finest silver in all of the island and it was the only one of its kind. The sword was kept in the owners most secure home but all the security in the world even at such a young age couldn’t keep Daniel from getting it. No one ever suspected him and no one ever found the sword. Daniel referred to it as the mighty Larry. One thing that Daniel couldn’t hide was his faithful pet gorilla Paul. Paul was abnormally large for a gorilla and the only surviving one left on the island. Paul let Daniel ride him around as if he was his steed. The sight of the two of them struck fear into those who didn’t already know of them. That is exactly what happened when Daniel rode into the capital city on Paul with Larry in his hand.

Alright its not finished but yes...
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2 comments:

  1. A bit choppy around the mid-last portion of the story. Ended pretty abruptly even though it was a short story. "No one* ever suspected..." correction. Overall, the idea for the story was actually really creative. Has more potential though T!

    -Ed

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  2. i enjoy the first part, i want to see whats next :) -Abby

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